#im going to end up homeless and dying before im 30

[kitcheninaman]

i dont feel like i have a future anymore

[justsomeantifas]

i grew up in South Florida with my Mom. I was born in Michigan, and around 2000 or so, my dad ending up dying in a pretty messed up way. My mom sent me to live with my grandparents for a while. We lived in New York for a little while, Washington D.C. and finally we moved to Florida. When my mom finally came back to Florida, we lived together till around 2016, and thats when we moved back to Michigan. The whole time i was growing up, my mother never mentioned my dads side of the family, so i never had any contact with them, until we moved back. When i moved back, a few of my aunts, my cousins and my brother started to get in contact with me. I was away from them for over 18 years, and they still remembered me. Because i never had contact with them, i was a little spooked, but i never forgot about them. So around thanksgiving of 2018, i ended up going to jail. I was doing bad things and i ended up turning 21 in jail. My birthday is in January, and i didnt get out until around the beginning of april. When i got out, i came home to find everything that i owned, was sold. My clothes, my T.V.sentimental items, everything. My mom got really bad into drugs and was really abusive, so i decided to leave. I was homeless for about 2 months. During this time, i was volunteering at a local soup kitchen. I started because i was assigned community service hours, but i went everyday to help because i was homeless, so that gave me a hot meal to eat, and it made me feel good also. I actually did alot for that company, they had me as the face of thier Company, and i also was on the raido for it. Well, i also ended up missing two court dates during this time, so even though i was volunteering, i had 2 warrants over my head. While i was going thru this, i was feeling really low. I didnt have a job, i was in a city i wasn’t familiar with, and i was homless and on the run. I felt like i was completely alone, i had nothing and i couldnt lose anything. I started to post some really dark things on my facebook, and thats when my dads side of the family reached out to me again. It was one of my cousins, and he told me he would come and get me for the weekend to stay and get my mind off things. I agreed, and from the moment he picked me up, i never felt love like this before. He tookd me out to Ohio, and introduced me to all my grandmas, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins and my brother. I wasnt alone anymore. So that following week, i decided to turn myself in and get everything over with and out the way, so i could start doing better again. So, i did. By the grace of god, the Judge dismissed all my cases, i only had to do 2 weeks and i was released from probation. Within that same hour, i was on my way to Ohio to start a new life. Ive been here since around October, and ive never been happier. I got a job, i record music everyday and im happy. But this is where i need help. Me and My moms side of the family dont get along very well. I was absent for a very long time, so i dont have contact with them. When we moved back, My great grandma was the only person i still have contact with. Shes 93 and I try to talk to her whenever i can. Well, yesterday i called, and she told me some things. She has very bad vision problems, and a very bad heart. She told me the last 4 days, she was admitted into the hospital because of her heart. The hospital released her, and gave her some medication to take for 30 days until we go back on the 24th, but last night she had another attack at 3am in the middle of the night. Right now she is in Adrain Michigan, i am in Columbus Ohio. I work at a restaurant, so ive been off work for the past 2 weeks or so. I have no money and i dont know what to do. Ive asked everyone i could, and no one can help. 

I hate to ask, but if anyone could please just spare somewhere around 100 so i can pay for a bus ticket there and back, or if someone could get me a bus ticket for there and back. Im at a loss right now and this is my last resort. 

My cashapp is $jayviouswooley my venmo is @jayviouswooley. My # is 419-297-3589 if needed. Thank you.

[hufflautia]

hI this is a tOTALLY ANONYMOUS PERSON ASKING. and i am asking u to answer everything on here😌

lmajfniasnf yall i forced menna to send me this ask and i was kinda kidding but also a bit serious but also kinda kidding- ok anwyas here we go 

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed? closed 

(2) Do You Have Freckles? no 

(3) Can You Whistle? yes

(4) Last Song You Listened To. “Needed Me” by Rihanna

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour? grayish green

(6) Relationship Status. in love with loki<3! 

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now? cold, my fingers are cold and menna knows this 

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky? no i did not, quite the opposite actually! 

(9) How Many Followers? around 650 

(10) Zodiac Sign. taurus

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour? brown

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily? yea

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower? usually 

(14) What Books Are You Reading? no book bc i have no brain cells 

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14. 

“i cannot imagine,” replied the scarecrow; “but we can go and see.” -the wonderful wizard of oz! i forgot i had that book, i got it from library for school last year but then quarantine hit and i couldn't return it bc the library closed 

(16) Favourite Anime? i barely watch anime, so i guess “Attack on Titans”, being that its one of the few animes I've watched

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of? my math teacher 

(18) Do You Collect Anything? only the souls of the innocent. also chapstick. 

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch? wontons that fucked my stomach up bc the meat was not cooked properly :D don't we love that?????????????!!!!!!

(20) Do You Dance In The Car? not rlly 

(21) Favourite Animal? dog 

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics? no 

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed? usually 11 or 12- depends on day

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now? no 

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean? pool 

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog? clandestineloki

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water? i don't care as long as its safe

(28) What Makes You Happy? my siblings, my best friends, loki, tom hiddleston

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

i saw this and thought it was a good fit but then i realized it was too calm so

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music? without

(31) Dogs Or Cats? DOGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be? yellow 

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox. i don't care

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean? I've never swam in a lake before, so lake

(35) Do You Believe In Magic? yea

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing? gray

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue? no 

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It? depends

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You? yes 

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now? of course, loki will always be an obsession of mine bruh 

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly? nO BC IM SCARED OF BUTTERFLIES 

(42) Are You Easily Influenced By Other People? yes:’( 

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams? of course

(44) Do You Like Going On Airplanes? yes 

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry. ParaNorman

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds? sunflower seeds

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be? the neighbourhood

(48) Are You A Picky Eater? kinda 

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper? eh 

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning? kinda 

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write? yes 

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud? depends on mood

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents? wrap 

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up? sleepy hallow ft foushee- deep end freestyle 

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather) winter?? 

(56) What Are You Craving Right Now? l o k i (my original answer was warmth but its basically the same thing) 

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed. 

(58) What Is Your Gender? female

(59) Coffee Or Tea? tea

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About? nope, i finished it on Friday and Saturday like a bad bitchhhhhhhhh

(61) What Is Your Sexuality? bisexual

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning? depends on day 

(63) Favourite Pokemon? squirtle i guess

(64) Favourite Social Media? insta 

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories? they're fine 

(66) Do You Get Homesick? kinda 

(67) Are You A Virgin? ill leave it up to ur imagination bitch (MENNA IM SO SORRY IM NOT CALLING U A BTICH IM JUST SAYING THAT IN GENERAL) 

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now? i forgot the name, but its white and fancy and from the same brand 

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm that is a very good question, probably the motel 

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life? AHAH depends on what u mean by “still in my life”!!!!!!! i guess technically yes, but I've already cut off those bitches in my head 😌 manifesting it into existence <3 

(71)  Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters? avatar 2 

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex? i don't have one 

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now? “not you, i didn't wanna hurt you”

(74)  What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest? brown bc if i say any other color, its probably a yt person and also brown be smexy

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set? yes, yes 

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate? honey buttered biscuits 

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone? among us, maybe Minecraft 

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not? no bc i don't know how and i would call for someone else to help 

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?probably bc I'm a hermit

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network? amsifnda this is ME ur talking to 

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People? yes kinda, unless they're awkward (aHEM BREAKOUT ROOMS WITH NEW BUT AWKWARD PEOPLE-) 

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them. i used to but not anymore 

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?  i want it closed but the person i share the room with leaves it open bc they say we’re gonna fuckin suffocate if we leave it closed and i hate it bc ✨trauma✨! DONT WE LOVE TRAUMA??!?!?!?!??!?!?!? :D............

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today? i baked biscuits, i did college stuff, i showered

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed? usually mismatched pjs 

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now. chapstick, natural skincare serum, lotion, face masks

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person? day 

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc. don't have any

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

a snake chased me and it was weird as fuck

(90) Favourite Soda Drink? don't have one 

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite? people laughing, violin and piano, my friends voices, my siblings voices

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More? SWEATS

(93) How Do You Look Right Now? comfy 

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You. showering

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want? maybe an important quote? “dont trust owls” imprinted on my face

(96) Favourite YouTuber? stephanie soooooooooooooooooooooo 

[frivolousfuckery]

I posted 32,211 times in 2022

That's 20,385 more posts than 2021!

57 posts created (0%)

32,154 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@spongebobssquarepants

@allteeensrelate

@only1600kids

@autumngracy

@weed-cat

I tagged 47 of my posts in 2022

#me - 11 posts

#personal - 7 posts

#dogblr - 6 posts

#my dog - 5 posts

#life update - 5 posts

#signal boost - 4 posts

#the big gay - 3 posts

#my dog is so fucking weird - 3 posts

#gremlin boy - 2 posts

#chronic panic - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#like yeah the extra hours are great but i literally left here after 10 pm yesterday and was back at 7am and im tired and want to go home

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Just realized I haven't heard from the science side of Tumblr in a long ass time, y'all ok?

8 notes - Posted July 13, 2022

#4

12 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#3

I really need to get out of food service/ physically demanding jobs in general. Most of my experience is in the food industry, working with kids, or working with cars. I love all of these things, but I have too many health problems and too much chronic pain that by the end of a shift I feel like I'm fucking dying. does anyone have any advice or resources on how I can find something else that will still help me support my family with the experience I have? I'm more than willing to try new things and put in the effort, and if it happens to be something I can do from home, even better!

Quick overview of limitations:

-i don't have a car

-i can't afford to pay money to start anything or buy equipment that is not provided by a job

-please no mlms or scams

51 notes - Posted July 2, 2022

#2

My last post has stopped moving and the situation is even worse than before.

Basically we have until Halloween to gather the funds to move and be out of our apartment, otherwise we will be homeless and lose all our animals and belongings.

Vmo and ca$happ are both enbymickie ppal is willefordsavannah@gmail.com

Please please share and dm for proof if needed

88 notes - Posted October 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Hey so shit went really bad all at once and it's a whole thing.

My gas got shut off for non payment even though I was paying the front office. The lady was pocketing my money and got fired already, but I was paying cash so the apartment complex isn't helping me get it back on since there's "no proof" that it was paid I have $30 worth of overdraft that has to last me until Sunday, including feeding both my partner and I, I need to get food for Sampson (my bearded dragon, all the other animals are good to go and stocked up, but im out of fresh veggies), and I still need to get a ride to work Saturday. So like That's stressful Like this completely fucked me financially and for getting the house, it wiped out our savings and is making rent hard to afford Plus my roommate emptied my change that I was saving up for a car without asking, so the other $347 I had saved in coins is gone now too. Literally Everything was going so good, I was supposed to be getting a promotion, and we were supposed to be moving into a house in December, but the promotion fell through and now our savings are wiped out.I already paid the $500 to turn the gas back on, but I still owe another $500 and I only had half of the rent so I owe the apartment complex like $600 bucks still, plus all of the bills and next months rent are due on our next paycheck and all our savings are gone. it's looking like I'm going to be stuck in this apartment for a whole extra year. I've gotta come up with at least 2 grand by the end of the month to cover the other half of this months rent, next months rent, and the bills, 2500 if I want to pay the remaining lump sum on the gas bill, but that still leaves me at being broke or behind because I still also have to keep the house running, animals and people fed, get rides to work, and buy necessities And like I can do it if I work a shift at both jobs every single day but I'm already so exhausted and overworked I genuinely don't know if I can do that, Idk man I'm just overwhelmed and numb and not really processing anything bc I feel like if I think about it too hard everything that's built up is going to come crashing down and I'm going to break.

Anything at all would be super helpful and appreciated, and please please please reblog

C*sh*pp and v*nm* are both enbymickie

P*yp*l is willefordsavannah@gmail.com

322 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

KoGet your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[caiuscassiuss]

Cohabitation (Opposites Attract AU! WinWin)

"i thought my roommate was murdered but i actually ended up dating him lol”

Description: an early bird and a night owl learn to co-habitate

masterlist || request

bulletpoint scenario

_______________________________________________________________________

the first thing you woke up to was Brahms’ Hungarian Dance in no.5

you looked at the time on ur phone; 5:30 AM

bitch fucking ass

you were very irritated, obviously, from being woken up way to early by your roommates classical music

Your roommate, Dong Sicheng, was a classical music major who loved chopin and apparently loved to be the bain of your existence by waking up 5:30 every fucking morning

how, you ask, did this happen?

STORY TIME

yeah it was the typical “i need an apartment, i see a cheap one near campus” college deal

you found the leasing through Johnny, you highschool friend, who said the cute chinese transfer student from shanghai needed a roommate

you were “okay, sure” but when you saw the rent price you quickly dialed him up because!!!! it was hella cheap!!! and you were broke as fuck!!!

you talked over the phone with the guy and he seemed nice enough and his slight accent was making you inwardly squeal at it’s cuteness

however, his early bird tendencies were not making you squeal in joy

his daily routine might’ve been fine for the average joe but you were a night owl who loved to sleep in late

Night Owl + Early Bird + Same Living Space = DISASTER

at first you just dealt with it

maybe he had an early class or something?

but as time went on you slowly grew more irritated

he woke you up early so when you went back to sleep, you ended up tossing and turning for 2 hours until getting up for class

and when you arrived in class, you were fatigued as hell

so you kind of um

decided to take vengeance

you decided that if he was allowed to play his goddamned conciertos you were allowed to turn on your trap music

at midnight

because you were a petty hoe okay

and you were afraid of confrontation so you decided little passive aggressive things would irk him in retaliation for your uncalled for early morning wakeups

this had been going on for weeks at this point, and it both resulted in you having eyebags the size of your college textbooks (and those are pretty large okay)

ye back to PRESENT DAY

you fumed quietly and ripped your bedsheets off

you stomped across the cold wood floors and flung open the door to the living area

“Sicheng!”

the tall boy turned around from the stove, dressed in a sweatshirt and jogging pants

“what?”

“can you turn off whatever violin shit this is? or at least turn down the volume?” you pouted and crossed your arms

he usually wide eyes narrowed and he put down his spatula

“I’ll do it whenever you turn off your shitty rap music at like 1 in the morning” he spat out and he, too, crossed his arms

you pursed your lips

rap music somehow made you understand international policy better, okay? and you just happened to study better late at night

it wasn’t your fault he couldn’t understand the blessed flow of Biggie

“the hell? it’s art, you moron-“

“more like trash”

“- and I’m not the one waking up with the fucking chickens in the morning!”

you two glared at each other

perhaps it was early morning grumpiness or a built up grudge or a combination of both both but you decided this had gone long enough

Winwin’s pretty face and broad shoulders weren’t going to save him this time!!1!11

“okay you know what? this has gone long enough. turn off the fucking stove and we are going to discuss this like the mature adults we are”

you stomped over to the counter and sat down on one of the stools and he turned off the stove flame

he, too, sat down in front of you

“this is clearly not working out and i think it’s safe to say that neither of us are going to move out” he drawled

“correct! 10 points to sicheng!” you sarcastically crowed

“for fuck’s sake shut up and at least try to be nice? i’m trying, okay!”

“fine” you pouted and rested your head on your palms

“i think we need to come up with a system before we start failing our classes- actually, just you, because I am stellar-“

“Winwin you better shut your ass up and get on with it” you narrowed your eyes at the boy

he rolled his eyes and stared straight at you

“lemme think”

you sat in silence for a few tense seconds as you both tried to think of something that could work

suddenly an idea popped into your head

“why don’t we just… turn down the volume of our music?”

DING DING DING dumb and dumber have just appeared!!!

wow you couldn’t believe you had just thought of this

damn you really were stupid

“… fine.”

you beamed and cheered

“BUT!”

you deflated

“that solves only like 60% of the problem. you stay up until like 1 am and i can’t sleep when i know someone is awake.”

“well that’s something you have to compromise bud, because i can’t sleep when someone is getting ready at 5 in the morning” you deadpan

“i think we’re just going have to be quieter then, is that fine?” win win asked, pursing his plump lips

damn he still looked good in a hoodie and sweatpants while you probably just looked homeless

“yeah. that’s okay.”

the next few days were actually pretty damn good

you could actually sleep!

in fact, you actually felt like you weren’t dying everyday!

in the few times you saw sicheng, he, too, didn’t look like he had 3 kids and was going through a mid-life crisis

it was a great improvement all in all

and you didn’t feel like you had to move out anymore

however one night something… shifted

you had just got home from your part time job at the local convenience store and you saw the lamp in the living room turned on

strange, because win win always turned off all the lights when he went to sleep

wait… WAS SICHENG MURDERED????

this is some creepy home invasion shit isn’t

this bitch is out

jk jk this bitch is poor and would probs live with a serial killer if it meant cheap rent

okay a bit extreme but you get the point

you step out of your shoes and creep into the living room

however, instead of seeing a dead sicheng lying on the floor

you saw a very much alive sicheng sleeping on the couch

with a book accidentally lying on the floor

you couldn’t help but awww bc he was so cute and innocent like this

unlike the snarky sicheng you often encountered

you decided to get a blanket from your room and layed it on top of him and adjusted his head so he wouldn’t have a stiff neck when he woke up

then you turned off the lamp and then went into your room to watch a vine compilation

next morning!!!

you woke up to a light drizzle outside your window

you then put on a sweatshirt and opened your door

you were suddenly assaulted by the smell of bacon

you frowned and saw on the counter of the kitchen was a plate of bacon and eggs with a cup of coffee next to it

there was no note or anything next to it but you knew it was from win win

mY uWuS aRe ExPlOdInG

the next few weeks these daily acts of kindness turned from unacknowledged to you two getting closer together

when you would come home late and happened to catch winwin reading, you two would sit on the couch and talk about your day and your favorite pieces of literature

when he would cook you breakfast he sometimes stayed and chatted with you at the counter about mutual friends and stuff like that

sicheng turned out not to be an asshole, as you initially thought 

he actually was pretty sweet and nice

he also loved harry potter, which probably earned him a gazillion brownie points in your book

soon enough casual goodbyes turned into hugs

living room talks turned into cafe hang outs

a snarky jabs turned into playful banter

your friends started to wonder if you two were dating

especially johnny, you always raised an eyebrow when you and sicheng would hug goodbye

sadly, you were not, but you kind’ve... wanted to?

he was basically the perfect boyfriend

yeah he had shitty taste in music and you hated how put together he was, but sicheng was a genuinely great guy

however, the more you pined over him, the more you realized how unattainable he was 

girls would always gather in a group in the university courtyard when he passed by and you heard he was number 1 in his class

unlike you, who was doing pretty average and the only things you attracted was lint

one day you two were walking through the uni grounds, a cup of coffee in both of your hands from the cafe down the street

“uh, y/n... i got something to tell you.” sicheng whispered

you looked up at him

“what?”

he smiled down at you and booped your nose

“hey! what was that for?” you shouted and crossed your arms

“ur just so cute!” he said and pinched your cheeks

you slapped his hands away and you both laughed

“no, but for real, what did you want to say to me?” you asked while resting your head on the side of his arm

he was silent for a few moments until he led you to a bench

you two sat side by side, him looking off into the distance and you utterly confused as fuck

wait shit waS HE GOING TO MOVE OUT????

alarm bells started whirring inside your head as your thoughts raced

“y/n, you have really shitty music taste and are utterly disorganized as hell...” he started off

what the fuck

“... but i really like you and i want you to be my girlfriend.” 

“wait so you aren’t moving out???” you blurted out

winwin gives you a funny look

“no? y/n i just fucking confessed to you, does it look like im moving out?” 

“i don’t know!” 

you were flustered as hell because sicheng??? confessing??? to you???what a mindfuck

winwin gives another look

“Well?”

“oh yeah, i really like you alot too, and i, uh, would love to be your girlfriend” you somehow managed to get out, and looked down to your coffee cup, which was clenched tightly in your hands

“great” and he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer

he kissed the top of your head as you settled into his chest

Bonus

“you two?? are together???” johnny asked, clearly confused as hell at this recent development

“yeah?” you glanced at winwin and he just smiled and squeezed your intertwined hands tighter

“holy shit i can’t believe this happened! y/n... you’re like the latest night owl i know and winwin! you’re like... the earliest early bird on the whole fucking campus!” johnny threw his hands up, nearly tossing his phone also

“and?” sicheng asked

“that just... doesn’t add up!” your mutual friend sputtered

“okay then what are you? night owl or early bird?” you asked

johnny finally seemed to snap out his daze and adapted a solemn look on his face

“i am not an early bird nor a night owl.”

“I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.”

[bitchesgetriches]

hey, i love you guys and your advice has helped me tremendously. but I still have a constant fear of failure and im afraid of burning out before i can escape my abusive household (im 19 now). what if all the effort I put into saving and earning just plateaus and i end up stuck here for another five years because I can't find a career im passionate about? not to mention starting a family (if i wish) or making time for my hobbies. im so tired from all the work i put in but im barely started

One of my favorite books on writing is Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. The title comes from a story she tells about when she and her brother were children. Her brother was overwhelmed by a school project about... birds (fuck if I know, man). He had waited till the last minute to start, and all he could see was his miserable failure from eighth grade, how he would never go to college or get a good job and how he was going to end up dying homeless and alone at age 30 ALL BECAUSE HE COULDN’T DO THIS SHITTY PROJECT ON BIRDS.

The story goes that Lamott’s dad gently told him. “You can do this. You just have to take it bird by bird.” And then they stayed up late working on the project, finishing it by focusing on one bird at a time. They accomplished one small task before moving on to the next one, without freaking out about the potential consequences of not succeeding.

I promise this relates to your problem.

You need to take your financial future bird by bird. Don’t hyper-focus on the consequences of never escaping your abusive household. Don’t worry about what will happen to you if you can’t find a career you’re passionate about or how you’re going to start a family. You’re 19. And you’re living under an oppressive home regime. That is the problem you should focus on. You don’t have the energy or the spoons to worry about what might happen years in the future.

Find your first bird and dedicate your mental and physical energy to it. Maybe Bird The First is saving up a $1,000 emergency fund. Maybe it’s getting a job, or a second part-time job if you already have one. Maybe it’s learning a basic skill like cooking, doing your laundry, or applying for a bank loan---something that will increase your independence from your household. Then, when you’ve accomplished that goal, turn to the next bird. Bird by bird, get it done. Don’t look farther ahead than the next bird for now. This will help you stay calm and keep focused while you try to escape.

Here are some more resources for you, strawberry shortcake:

Everything Is Stressful and I’m Dying: How to Survive a Panic Attack

Ask the Bitches: How Can I Make Myself Financially Secure Before Age 30?

[beautyindisguise00]

Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others?

Thursday October 1 2020 @2:53pm

1. When was the last time someone saw you naked? last weekend. my boyfriend

2. If you could bring someone back from the dead and spend an hour with them, who would it be and what would you do/say? my grandma. i’d ask her how she felt about how things are going with the big three family now

3. What is the greatest loss you’ve endured? my grandma

4. How would you describe your current mood? calm and relaxed

5. When was the last time you did something you were embarrassed by? crying myself to sleep last night. ugh, im so sensitive sometimes.

6. What was the last thing you lied about? i dont remember. haha

7. Where is your favorite place to have sex? still have my v-card,but the bed. haha

8. What is your earliest memory? getting lost at a sports tournament. haha

9. Do you ever drink or get high alone? i drink by myself, but not to get drunk

10. What type of a drunk are you? very chatty and giddy

11. What song (or a few songs, whatever) means a lot to you and why? there’s a lot.

12. When was the last time you revealed your feelings for someone? Were they accepted or rejected? last weekend to a guy friend, Luke last weekend to my boyfriend a few weeks ago to my best friend, Angela all where of different feelings, but thankfully they were all very accepting

13. What was the reason behind your last visit to the hospital? visiting a friend who was in a motorcycle accident

14. How do you tend to deal with a breakup? i haven’t been through a bad breakup and i hope i wont ever, but if i ever do. i’d probably cry myself to sleep each night and go through the motions through the day. i’d stay off social media until i’m ready to show my ex what he’s lost

15. What is the “worst” drug you’ve done? Are there any you will never try, or any you want to try? i’ve never done drugs

16. What is something you’ve done that you truly regret? forgetting to log out of my facebook messenger on my mom’s phone....

17. What does it mean to you to be a good person? Do you feel you are a good person? someone’s who’s kind. goes out of their way to help others. and many more. i can be a good person, but im not always

18. What is your philosophy on life/how do you generally choose to live or conduct yourself? enjoy life. be kind to others. bring glory to God

19. Do you view animals as being just as important as people? Why or why not? animals should be treated with care and kindness. 

20. When was the last time you were up all night and why? my boyfriend and i were out with his family

21. What is the worst thing you’ve done to yourself? What is the worst thing someone else has done to you? not love myself like i should be. form options about me without getting to know me

22. What is the most personal thing you’re willing to reveal? depends on who you are

23. What made you stop talking to the last person you cut out of your life? we just grew apart. neither one of us put effort in the friendship anymore

24. Is there a situation or person you haven’t been able to get over/forgive? not anymore, i’ve learned and moved on

25. Who was the last person to yell at you? Did you yell back? i havent been yelled at in a while.

26. Where did your last injury come from? no major injuries lately. the last one i can recall was when one of my kiddos rammed into my toes and my toe nail chipped off

27. What are some kinks or turn-ons you have, if any? uhhhh, neck kisses, dirty talk, nip play. hahahaha

28. What are you like during arguments? stubborn. haha. and i try to be right all the time. 

29. What is the worst thing you have said to another person? they’re a b

30. Where do you like to be kissed? lips and neck

31. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel? the first one

32. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way? i was tired, sleep deprived, had a migraine from drinking too much. so i got upset at my boyfriend, but at least i knew not to say anything i’d regret to him.  we talked about it the day after and we’re all good now.

33. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them? if i wasnt already with my mom, then my mom. i’d tell her i love her and everyone else. i would want to hear her voice before i go.

34. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid? i’d tell those who are important to me first and spend as much time as i could with them.at first, i’d be afraid, but i know where i’m going so i’d just miss everyone more than anything

35. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? i dont see the choices

36. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not? i can’t see my boss saying that to me, but i’d do my best to save that dog

37. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most? well, essentially, they’re the same people so I’d end up getting hurt by both

38. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say? my best friend is my boyfriend. haha

39. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not? yes. I’d do that for my boyfriend so he’d be able to send one more hour with his grandpa

40. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend? yes. haha

41. Does love = sex? not for everyone

42.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not? honestly no. I also have financial things to take care of my own. I would very horrible, but i just can’t

43.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person? just shared my intimacy life with a guy friend on a long road trip. nothing too bad, but i dont really talk about stuff that personal to me. haha

44. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back? that i didn’t love them back or more so the feeling was not mutual 

45. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose? my love for people. you can’t tell me to stop loving someone

46. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you? my kiddos at work

47. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why? honestly, i cant think of anything. not saying this last month was perfect, but it wasnt too bad

48.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you? uhh, a wwe fighter. haha jk probably my boyfriend

49. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not? yes. i’d always to try save a life

50.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision? neither one of my grandmas are here 

51. Are you old fashioned? in some ways

52. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it? work. haha

53.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why? how it is true love when there’s a broken heart?

54.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? being able to travel anywhere and anytime

55. What was the last thing you ate? a chocolate chip muffin

56. What kind of guys are you usually attracted to? guys who are kind to others, athletic, and hott. haha. honest truth

57. What’s the stupidest thing that’s happened to you that ended a friendship? they drunk way to much and got on my nerves

58. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve had sex at a time? vcard stil here but when my boyfriend comes to visit, we get intimate about 2-3 time a day. hahahaha morning, mid day, and night. lol

59. What reality shows do you watch? not much. sometimes KUWTK here and there 60. Post a video of yourself here: no thank you

61. Where do you work? at a daycare

62. Have you ever gone up to a car thinking it was yours and tried to get in it? no i always check the plates

63. Where do you buy most of your clothes? tj maxx

64. If you were very intelligent and had the capability to have any profession, what would you like to be? teacher. haha

65. What’s your most irrational fear? use to be dolls. ahaha

66. How many radio stations do you listen to? i have about five saved on my car, but i dont really listen to the radio often. i usually just listen to my own music

67. What kind of music do they have? today’s top hits and Christian

68. Would you rather go to Greece or Hawaii? hawaii!!

69. Musicals: Yay or Nay? depends some yes some i’d pass

70. What are the next concerts you’ll be going to? i dont have any planned right now

71. What was the last conversation you had with your best friend about? the meeting we had

72. Are you one of those people that LOVE to hug others? nah, depends on the person but a quick hug is okay if we’re not that close, but if we are then sure, hug on!

[klarkkent71]

Warm Ups 2

Warms Ups 2 is me still warming back up with more poems that were developed from the heart.  I flashed back to pivotal points in my life to the current day

Change

As a kid I would question myself why is there a human sleeping in the streets and begging for change

Im a young man wishing that I can make a change

If I had a million dollars at the time those homeless people struggling would have gotten a lot of change

But I only had 50 cents and as a kid, it meant a lot but I walked up to his pan and gave him my change

As I got older I got colder to the point where I started to change

People I trusted started to con me I thought I knew them but that view even changed

I grew up and got money and became overprotective of my change

If anybody tried to rob me I had a tool ready that could alter their body and make their life change

Now as a grown man that same homeless person struggling I end up ignoring soon as the light change

I guess our views differ from a kid to an adult and we don’t always make a positive change

 Fall 98

I had to say goodbye to my friends my parents done made it out

We out the hood and in the country in their dream house

All I knew was East 81st, I had Cedar Grove all in my veins

I was upset I had to start all over on a street named after my family called Thompson Lane

New friends, new school, and all I had was a pen to where I knew how to write

Isolated, I felt trapped and trying to adjust to my new friends and neighbor being white

I had old parent without a sense of style and would get picked on for not having the best clothes

Too shy to speak up to girls I liked with no self-esteem I wasn’t getting chose

Then came art class I looked across the class once and my life wasn’t the same

 Mike From The Block Part 1

Mike didn’t care about shit he was loyal to the gang

One Nine Cedar Grove is the set he claimed

Mike never knew his dad and his mom stayed in and out of jail

He stayed with his granny and 3 siblings  in these streets he was hell

The environment caught up and Mike eventually grew up to be man

I would come back to visit my friends as a teen and at the time Mike always kept a strap in his hand

Mike was pushing weight from weed to pills

He had money now he was tatted and iced out from his face to his grill

He couldn’t stop banging though and in these streets, he grew cruel

It was sad that he and a group of his homies ended up shooting at rival gang members at the local school

Three people were shot and one even killed

Everything was stacked against him we just knew he’ll get that L  (Life Sentence)

The bullet couldn’t be traced to his gun so eventually Mike was set free

Mike barely living life now, but he still lost up in the streets

 Lady Liberty

Lady Liberty has meaningful scales but will quickly put me in a cell

I’m a victim of a system in a judicial process known to raise hell

Lady Liberty wears a blindfold but is still able to tell I have black skin

13% of a population making up a majority of cells this is our truths and no pretend

Lady Liberty have a Sword, I’ll leave the rest for interpretation

 From the Heart

I want to be free, happy and protected from pain

I want to experience the rays of happiness and not just the storms and rain

I want a hug to where all the endorphins relieve my stress

I want to give you my best to where my heart beats with emotion when you lay your head on my chest

I want to forgive and be forgiven for all the wrong I brought to people

-----

I want to just take it back to simpler times

Back when bills wasn’t a struggle and I found relief by putting my feelings in rhyme

Back before I grew into this workaholic and would pick up the phone when my parents hit my line

Back when the hood I lived in had a lot of crime but we was living just fine

You know happier times, not when cancer took my grandpa to where he couldn’t speak and I was watching him slowly dying

More like when my dad was driving 80 on the freeway in his new Chevy Silverado before he started to go blind

It makes me wonder what major curveballs will life throw my way

I'm so used to being the hunter my day is coming to where I have to be the prey

I drive 90 in my Chevy Silverado with flashbacks of my dad 30 years later

Paranoid and on edge about life hoping that God show me favor

Or that my universe at some point will align and make me greater

At times I was a ball of mixed emotions and refuse to show

I struggled to sleep most night but the pills prescribed I had to let go

I had to clean my mind and think clear.

Now I’m here

Not living in the normal constraints of society norms

33 and  I’m successful but behind on a lot in my mind but still getting after it like I’m in rare form

I’m chasing my dreams aggressively like I grew up poor

When in reality I grew up in a rich home compared to others around me, the level of wealth my people had I aspired for that plus more

Tacoma

Away from everything just a place to escape and think

Good food, lonely vibes, but a time to get my broken body back in sync

I feel a piece myself will always be missing up north and in the west

I fight off a feeling of regret but live on nonetheless

My facial hair out, my smile is real and not forced, and I’m healing from stress

Imagining something that will never be real just stuck at a guess

 Interlude

When your head was on my chest and I had to say bye

Was the moment it hit me the most on the inside I started to cry

Everything slowed down around me in the heat of the moment I saw stars in the sky

Time spent of just having you around for those hours I was living on a high

Our eyes locked and instead of having our lips become one

Your head was placed on my chest I wanted you to feel my heartbeat

In my mind, it was calling your name

What I have for you was beyond physical and the spiritual beings

Once a raging fire though was dwindled to a flame

You drove away in the middle of the night fleeing

I left thinking everything would go away

But you remained on my mind in a special way

 God

I can count on one hand how many times I been to a church within this last  3 years

My faith is still with you and I believe everything you created

I still struggle with the concept of organized religion and those using your name to hurt other

I believe in you though God and understand that this life and existence is because of you

I bow my head and still pray before meals

I still take the time to lead pray for those in need of comfort

During those time of grief, I’ll admit I cry but find pleasure knowing their soul is with you

Im a sinner but a work in progress

Thank you for using those who was once down and out as a testimony

[msf-diamond-dog]

Same for you, all of them!

(1) Do You Sleep With Your Closet Doors Open Or Closed?

Closed, but not really for any reason.

(2) Do You Have Freckles?

Very vaguely, yes.

(3) Can You Whistle?

No, I’ve stopped trying to learn. I cant do it.

(4) Last Song You Listened To.

Full Power by AC Slater

(5) What Is Your Favourite Colour?

Pretty much and darkish or vibrant blue.

(6) Relationship Status.

Single :C

(7) What Is The Temperature Right Now?

 102 F

(8) Did You Wake Up Cranky?

Nope, I dont think I ever wake up cranky.

(9) How Many Followers?

I dont even know.  Half of them are pornbots.

(10) Zodiac Sign.

Gemini

(11) What Is Your Eye Colour?

Brown!

(12) Take A Vitamin Daily?

Do Monsters count

(13) Do You Sing In The Shower?

Yeppers

(14) What Books Are You Reading?

The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski

(15) Grab The Book Nearest To You, Turn To Page 64, Give Me Line 14.

“...somewhat entertaining.”

(16) Favourite Anime?

HmhmH... Probably FMA.

(17) Last Person You Cried In Front Of?

Probably my sister. I honestly dont even remember the last time I cried. 

(18) Do You Collect Anything?

Toys and games!

(19) What Did You Have For Lunch?

Nothing

(20) Do You Dance In The Car?

Nah

(21) Favourite Animal?

DOGGOS

(22) Do You Watch The Olympics?

Nah

(23) What Time Do You Usually Go To Bed?

Probably around 1 or 2am.

(24) Are You Wearing Makeup Right Now?

I am not. My sister wanted me to put on mascara today though so we shall see.

(25) Do You Prefer To Swim In A Pool Or The Ocean?

OCEAN

(26) Favourite Tumblr Blog?

Honestly just all my friends blogs

(27) Bottled Water Or Tap Water?

Bottled, sadly. The water here tastes horrible. Like drinking a swimming pool.

(28) What Makes You Happy?

Music, people.

(29) Post A Gif Of What You’re Currently Feeling Right Now.

I dont have any gifs D:

(30) Do You Study Better With Or Without Music?

I study better without it but Im not gonna turn it off.

(31) Dogs Or Cats?

Dogs

(32) If You Were A Crayon What Colour Would You Be?

That shitty gray one that no one uses but it somehow is all dull with the paper all ripped up and it has like a bunch of other colors smashed into the ends

(33) PlayStation Or Xbox.

Playstation!

(34) Would You Swim In The Lake Or Ocean?

Ocean,

(35) Do You Believe In Magic?

Nah

(36) What Colour Shirt Are You Wearing?

A gray Fallout shirt

(37) Can You Curl Your Tongue

Yep

(38) Do You Save Money Or Spend It?

Both

(39) Is There Anything Pink Within 10 Feet Of You?

Yeah, some headphones

(40) Do You Have Any Obsessions Right Now?

No not really.  Nothing new, anyways.

(41) Have You Ever Caught A Butterfly?

Nah, I leave them alone. 

(42)Are You Easily Influenced By Other People?

I used to be but Im not anymore. 

(43) Do You Have Strange Dreams?

Yeah...I only remember bits and pieces of them though

(44)Do You Like Going On Airplanes?

Ive never been on one before

(45) Name One Movie That Made You Cry.

A movie has never made me cry before

(46) Peanuts Or Sunflower Seeds?

Sunflower seeds

(47) If I Handed You A Concert Ticket Right Now, Who Would You Want The Performer To Be?

ZAO and Im gonna see them soon.

(48) Are You A Picky Eater?

Not at all.

(49) Are You A Heavy Sleeper?

Depends on how well my meds work that night

(50) Do You Fear Thunder / Lightning?

Hells no, I love it

(51) Do You Like To Read / Write?

I love to read but Im not a writer.

(52) Do You Like Your Music Loud?

YEAH

(53) Would You Rather Carve Pumpkins Or Wrap Presents?

Carve pumpkins.  Im not good at wrapping presents and Ive never carved one before.

(54) Put Your Music On Shuffle, What Is The First Song That Came Up?

I Am the Best by 2NE1 (HA)

(55) What Season Are You In Right Now? (Weather)

Summer

(56)What Are You Craving Right Now?

Affection, quite honestly.

(57) Post A Screenshot Of Your Tumblr Feed.

Its just a picture of like 6 golden retrievers

(58) What Is Your Gender?

Male

(59) Coffee Or Tea?

I dont know.  I like them both the same.

(60) Do You Have Any Homework Right Now? If So, What Is It About?

No homework.  Last day of break. :C

(61) What Is Your Sexuality?

Straight

(62) Do You Make Your Bed In The Morning?

Naw.

(63) Favourite Pokemon?

Cubone and Haunter!

(64) Favourite Social Media?

Tumblr.

(65) What’s Your Opinion On Instagram Stories?

I dont give a shit?

(66) Do You Get Homesick?

Sometimes. Not often though.

(67) Are You A Virgin?

Yeppers

(68) What Shampoo And Conditioner Are You Using Right Now?

Dove

(69) If You Were Far From Home And Needed To Sleep For The Night, Would You Choose To Rent A Crappy Motel Room For $60 Or Sleep In Your Car For Free?

Depends on where I am.  If its a shady place Id take the hotel. If its decently safe Id sleep in my car.

(70) Are Both Of Your Blood Parents Still In Your Life?

Yep!

(71) Whats The Next Movie You Want To See In Theaters?

Deadpool 2

(72) Do You Miss Your Ex?

I dont have an ex.

(73) What Is Your Favourite Quote Right Now?

“If you’re scared to do it, then do it scared”

(74) What Eye Colour Do You Find Sexiest?

I think all eyes are fucking gorgeous but my favorite has dark brown 

(75) Did You Like Swinging As A Child? Do You Still Get Excited When You See A Swing Set?

Swinging is the SHIT.

(76) What Was The Last Thing You Ate?

I havent eaten anything today sooo idk.

(77) What Games Do You Have On Your Phone?

Blendoku 2 (my favorite) and Random Heroes 3

(78) Would You Give A Homeless Person CPR If They Were Dying? Why Or Why Not?

Yeah, why does it matter if theyre homeless?

(79) Been On The Computer For 5 Hours Straight?

Yeah

(80) Stalked Someone On A Social Network?

Nah

(81) Do You Like Meeting New People?

Yes and no? I like learning about people but I dont like the interaction part.

(82) Do You Wear Rings? If You Do, Take A Picture Of Them.

No rings

(83) Do You Sleep With Your Bedroom Door Open Or Closed?

Unless its really hot, I sleep with it closed.

(84) What Are Three Things You Did Today?

Woke up, cleaned a bit, played some games.

(85) What Do You Wear To Bed?

Shorts and a tshirt

(86) List All Of Your Different Beauty Products You Have Right Now.

I dont have any.

(87) Are You A Day Or Night Person?

NIGHT

(88) List All Of Your Video Games On Your Phone, Console Etc.

Fuckin hell, I have too many to list here. 

(89) Tell Me About A Dream That You Had And When It Happened.

One of my favorite dreams was I was working in a dollar store, and like 4 guys with guns ran in and were like robbing the place and I just looked at them and said “why the fuck would you rob a dollar store?” and they just look at me for a few seconds and then shot me. I had it a few years ago.

(90) Favourite Soda Drink?

Dr, Pepper

(91) What Sounds Are Your Favourite?

Pretty much and percussion/clicky noise.

(92) Do You Wear Jeans Or Sweats More?

Jeans.  I dont even have a pair of sweats.

(93) How Do You Look Right Now?

Shitty like usual

(94) Name Something That Relaxes You.

Music

(95) What Tattoo Do You Want?

First one Im getting is a Maximal insignia.

(96) Favourite YouTuber?

Idk man.

Thank you Jana! C: